I’m confident that unfortunately it’s something that we all feel. And truth be told, I’ve been feelin it lately – I’m burned out. I’m lonely. I’m exhausted.
I think a lot of people get confused when I say “I’m lonely” they’re always like “you have two kids” or “you’re married” or “you’re around people all day” but it’s more than that. I’ve been really trying to pinpoint exactly what “it” is though and that’s been hard. I think I’m in a diabetes burn out. I’ve had them before but this one feels different … feels heavier. I think I’m usually able to almost ignore the burn out and keep myself busy enough to not really have time for it. And that way of not handling it kind of handling it, I think has led to this heavy feeling of it now.
Chronic illness is no joke, no matter how many punchlines contain “diabetes”. It’s taxing. It wears on you so bad and the mental side effects I think are damn close to the physical ones. People can’t ignore the puking, shaking, kind of effects of diabetes, but people seem to be soooo quick to overlook the sadness, lost feeling, hopelessness, loniless that we feel with all the misunderstanding and preconceived notions.
It’s also hard to explain whyyyy you’re experiencing these to someone who doesn’t live it every day. And honestly? It’s sometimes hard to explain to someone who DOES live with.
T1D is not a “one size fits all” disease. It’s so mean, so vindictive, so horrible.
I think this time around with the burn out, I’m going to embrace it. Not to wallow. Not to be miserable. But to acknowledge that it’s happening. It’s real. I’m hoping that by acknowledging it this time, and allowing myself to feel it, I’ll be able to come out of it faster.
I know, I know, this probably sounds nuts. But I somehow think it could work. Again, I don’t want to wallow in it. I can’t. I can’t let it consume me like it tries to. But I want to be able to push through that. I think (and hope) that by pushing through these tough days, I’ll get stronger. And I’m hoping that with the strength I gain, I can put it to my future with this horrible disease.
One of my favorite teachers in high school used to say, “tough times don’t last, tough people do” and right now, I’m going to focus on being tougher than these tough days.
Nothing lasts forever right? Haha except T1D …
I want to use these hard times as motivation. But I think I need to let myself accept them, to make that happen.