I hate it. I’m not good with numbers. I don’t like numbers. I want words. Sentences. Paragraphs. Something I can see and understand and even recite back! I can punch the same phone number 6x in a row and not remember more than the first 3 numbers.
Couldn’t tell ya why. I’ve just always been that way. Then, the other day, my husband, Moony was getting Ollie ready for me. I reminded him I needed 125 units in the pump, not 100 since we’re pregnant (SURPRISE!) and I always need more insulin to keep me trucking.
Call it pregnancy hormones, call it lack of sleep, call it whatever you will but I wanted to cry all of a sudden. I can’t tell you why at that moment it sunk in, but holy crap – numbers keep me alive.
125 ::units in my life 1:14 ::my carb ratio for lunch 1.7 ::my basil rate from 12am to 6am 2 ::the number of cucumbers I’ve eaten while writing this haha
But really, how could I hate numbers when I did numbers to stay alive? Even typing this now, I’m feeling pretty dumb. Now, am I motivated to go take an algebra class or go figure out the square feet in some office building? Uh. No. But (my mathematician mother would be glad to know…) I have this little, weird new appreciation for numbers.
Whyyy did it take almost 19 years of having diabetes to put this together? Hah. No clue.
It’s weird that something I’ve always dreaded is, quite literally, the one thing that keeps me alive. Granted, I realize it’s the actual insulin that keeps me alive but without the dosage, I’d be toast! Or, more accurately- worm food. (Though I suppose worms could eat toast as well…)
I guess what I’m trying to say is that even though I’m now luckily (and happily) spoiled by my PDM doing the “thinking” part of my insulin calculations- it’s still numbers that make that possible. The same numbers I hated adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing, and even please-excuse-my-dear-aunt-sue-ing, are the numbers that keep me…well? keeping on.
So while I’ll still take a novel over a math book, and while I’ll never pick Sudoku over a crossword puzzle:
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